When details are withheld

There’s a lot of what goes on [behind the scenes] that people don’t know about or don’t see, and I guess that’s why it’s painful when you see some of the stuff on television that the RCMP can’t answer because it’s either being investigated or it’s in court. That’s very frustrating, very difficult thing for a lot of members and families to handle. - RCMP Veteran

Sometimes the details of a service death can’t be immediately shared with family. This can be very difficult when you want to know about the last moments of their life.

At the memorial, his mother wanted to know what exactly was in the coffin, because she was convinced there was nothing there. So it wasn’t ’til the third day, a Sunday on the beach, that I told her. And she was so happy. Her grieving had been delayed and impeded because we didn’t give her the details. And I just said, “Here’s what’s in the coffin.” We’ve been in touch ever since. - Military Veteran

Not having this information can lead to questions and fears that can stay with you:

• What were they experiencing physically?
• What were their thoughts and feelings?
• Were they in pain or suffering?
• Were they scared?
• Were they alone?

By not giving me information, or giving me a piece of paper that’s blacked out, it leaves me thinking, "What are they hiding?" Maybe some people hear that and interpret that as me accusing someone or being suspicious, like "Oooooh, what REALLY went on there?" But the thing is, I don’t really care about laying blame; I just wanna know what went on. I think we should be allowed to have that information. - Family Member

Sadly, the nature of death is that there are often questions that can never be completely answered.