Living with loss of function
Veterans who leave the service due to physical or occupational stress injuries (OSI) have to adapt to living differently on top of the other losses. Visible losses can often be easier for others to understand than those that are “invisible,” such as brain injuries, impacts of trauma, and other emotional injuries.
Shame is probably the perfect word to describe the emotion… and even as I’m learning to let go of those expectations or to modify them, there is still a moment where I have to do that work. “No, you’re not gonna be able to do that.” And it is me managing feelings of shame, feeling ashamed that I can’t do something that I used to be able to do the way that I used to be able to do it. - RCMP Veteran
(Because of what I saw during service), I couldn’t go down the meat aisle at the grocery store. I never told my wife. So my kids and I would go to the store with a list, and I’d make a game of it. They’d run around and find the things on the list. Sometimes the list would have chicken on it, and we’d come home with pork tenderloin. - Military Veteran
What the Veteran may experience
The Veteran may be grieving the losses that the OSI or illness has brought. They may be coping with physical and occupational stress impacts which may leave them feeling frustrated, ashamed and/or inadequate. They may be concerned about what the future may hold for them and their family. If support services haven’t been readily available, the Veteran may be feeling abandoned and that their sacrifice is not recognized or respected.
What spouse/family may experience
You are likely grieving what the loss of function means for you and your family:
- How it affects your day-to-day life,
- How it may impact your financial future,
- How long it will take to reach a new normal, if ever.
You might also:
- Be angry and resentful with the CAF or RCMP,
- Be worried about whether the Veteran will ever recover emotionally and/or physically.
When the OSI or medical condition affects the Veteran’s ability to access services, or advocate for themselves, the partner may have to do it for them.
After medical discharge, navigating services was very difficult - there was nothing to help him and no one talks to the wife. I have to literally stand beside him while he’s on the phone and tell him what to say. There is still stigma around his mental health. If it weren’t for secret social media groups I don’t know how we would have got through it. But we did it. - Family Member
For more information, see Transition out of service.