Loss of identity and purpose: Who am I now? What do I do now?
Those who sign up to serve are often driven by a sense of honour, duty, and service to country – to make a difference in the world. For many, being in the military or RCMP is central to who they are, and leaving the services can lead to profound feelings of loss and grief.
What the Veteran may experience
Transitioning out can shake a Veteran’s core identity and lead them to question “Who am I now?” and “What is my purpose?”
I have clients who say, “I just want to walk out the door and have a new day.” But that’s not how it works. That’s not how we’re wired. That’s not how we grow and develop, especially when we’ve had a close connection to our work. - Military Therapist
New lives don’t just happen, they need to be created and nurtured.
In a discussion that I had with a retired infantry member of the Canadian Forces, he was talking about “leaving the wire.” He’s now retired and he’s not able to “get the same thrill” as he did when he’d deploy. I see it as basically finding a new purpose in life. Its intimately attached to the whole notion of what our persona is and finding a purpose to be able to continue on and to grow in your life. - RCMP Veteran
(After my medical discharge), I couldn’t see how I existed out of uniform, who am I? who am I out of uniform? I was a military person 24 hours, thinking it, wanting it and it was being taken away from me. There was no choice and there was no help to going back to who I was as a civilian person… It was an identity crisis. - Military Veteran
Some Veterans feel abandoned and forgotten by the service. Just as a hole dug in the sand fills in with the next wave, the service fills the gap and marches forward. This may lead to questions like "Did I matter?" and feelings of regret, disillusionment, bitterness, and frustration.
For more information, see Transition out of service.
What spouse/family may experience
I was Lieutenant Smith’s wife. I had status. Now who am I? - Military Spouse
Being part of a service family requires taking on roles and making sacrifices, and like the Veteran, it has been part of your identity. It has very likely defined a significant part of your life. You may also feel adrift and searching for who you are and where your place is in civilian life. If retirement has also resulted in a move, you may be feeling an even greater sense of loss.