Grief and anger
Sorrow and sadness are not the only feelings that come with grief. Anger is also a very common emotion and sometimes when someone is grieving, they may become frustrated and angry with you or other family members, including children. They may feel it is a safe place to vent their feelings. This is not uncommon, especially for spouses supporting a Veteran, and it can be very difficult to be the recipient of misplaced anger.
Responding to anger
Try to understand why the person is angry and frustrated. They may be afraid that they will never “feel better” or mad at themselves for it taking so long. They may be reacting to well- meaning but unhelpful attempts to help or fix their grief. You might find yourself responding with anger, frustration, or silence. You may be experiencing a wide range of emotions yourself, which can affect how you react.
Acknowledging to the Veteran that you can see that they are angry, that they have a right to be angry, and that they need a safe place to vent is a good first step. This doesn’t mean that you can’t share your own feelings. Anger is normal and expected, and it’s better to talk about it than to avoid it. You might explain that you feel angry as well, but that you recognize you are both really angry at the situation, not at each other. Let the Veteran know that you are with them, not against them and are ready to face this challenge together.
If the Veteran’s anger persists or you feel threatened or harmed in any way, seek help immediately.