When you have concerns: what you may be noticing

Some Veterans use alcohol or drugs to numb their grief. This is sometimes called “self-medicating”. Others participate in high risk or destructive behaviours. This can be a conscious or subconscious attempt to treat themselves in the harsh, self-punishing ways that some part of themself thinks they deserve.

You may notice that they are withdrawing from you and/or others in their life. They might be spending an enormous amount of time watching TV, playing video games, exercising, or other activities to distract themselves from their distress.

The Veteran you care about may not be admitting to you what they are feeling and thinking. They may not be aware that they are doing this, or they may be intentionally keeping it from you to protect you.

You might notice that their sense of trust in the world seems to have changed. They seem to see danger and “bad” people everywhere and have become overprotective. You may particularly feel this if you are their spouse or partner and if you have children.

Other indications that they may be struggling include:

• Fatigue
• Inflexibility
• Overworking
• Quitting extracurricular activities (e.g. sports activities and community groups)
• Rejecting physical and emotional closeness
• Exhibiting a short fuse (e.g. snapping at you/family members/ children)
• Expressing general dissatisfaction with work, family, or life
• Over-involvement in details; trying to be perfect

Every Veteran and situation is different. It can be helpful to remember:

• No matter how difficult their challenges, the Veteran doesn’t want to be like this.
• There are ways that do help the pain you’re witnessing.
• There are effective supports and resources. You don’t have to do this alone.

For many years we pretended everything was fine ()

What our family noticed before and after my husband’s PTSD diagnosis ()