Feelings of guilt and self-blame

I came to understand that I’m not in control of anybody else’s actions and feelings, only how I react to them. It’s my choice to heal and or forgive. I mean, I think I’ll never forget but forgiving is a wonderful healing tool. It takes away the anger. - Family Member

Feelings of guilt and self-blame are not uncommon after a death from suicide. They can be particularly intense in certain circumstances, such as:

• There was a difficult history between you and the deceased.
• The nature of your last encounter – whether it was difficult or not.
• The person concealed how distressed they were from you.
• The person told you they would reach out of they were in trouble but did not.

It’s important to recognize that the death was not your fault. Even if you have accepted that you couldn’t change the outcome, you may find yourself going over and over in your mind what you or others could have done to prevent the tragedy. Finding someone to blame (ourselves or others) is an attempt to restore a sense of control.

Parents or any survivor from suicide need to know that you are not responsible. And even though you may feel it, you are not. So be kind to yourself. - Family Member

Some people are able to arrive at a place they can live with the unknown. It’s not about getting a perfect explanation with all the answers but rather finding something that makes sense or is “bearable” to you. This may bring you some relief as you acknowledge that there were many factors, not all of which are known, that led to this death.