Responding to shame and stigma
Shame and stigma can have a large impact on your grief after a suicide. Although there is greater understanding and openness about suicide than in the past, you may find support is limited due to long-standing beliefs by others that suicide is a sin or crime, a sign of weakness, or failure. This can sometimes shift blame to family or friends through “guilt by association”. Questions by others such as, “Didn’t you know?”, can be painful beyond measure and contribute to a sense of shame.
Stigma can leave you struggling with beliefs and opinions that you or others have about both the act of suicide and the person who died this way. You might find it harder to speak about your loss and grief because you are unsure how your story will be received by others. If you do reach out, you might be met with judgement and not receive the support you need.
It’s not a topic of conversation that most people are comfortable with… there are feelings you go through. First, with the embarrassment of saying how your child died. The temptation to go, “Oh, no, no, it wasn’t suicide…" but it doesn’t matter how he died. He died. - Family Member
Strategies: What may help
- Resist the urge to isolate yourself and reach out for support from people who can listen with compassion.
- You may have to look outside of your network to find people who understand. Being with others who have gone through something similar can be very helpful. Seek out support groups for those who are grieving a death from suicide.
- Make a plan for how to deal with people whose beliefs and attitudes aren’t helpful to you. You might need to avoid some people or say to others, “This is not something I can discuss with you.”