What you may be feeling

I felt angry and betrayed, I was sad, and I felt so much shame and guilt for not being able to do what I would have wanted to do in Rwanda to help those people. - Military Veteran

Our community knows the signs and symptoms of operational stress. They know the risks that are involved. It really is a sense that it’s not gonna be them. Never them. It’s a surprise every time it happens to a Mountie. - Family Member

You may be feeling confused and overwhelmed. You may have emotions, such as numbness, sadness, guilt, anxiety, a sense of betrayal, and anger. You may not relate with all these feelings, but some may be very familiar to you.

I did an arm-to-arm transfusion with a woman because we had the same blood type, but I couldn’t save her. She bled out and died, right there next to me. Just a very basic job, but I couldn’t do it. Thing is, her stomach was blown open. I’d never seen anything like that on my other tours, not with somebody who was still alive… right beside me… looking at me. I just went into pure shock. I froze up, and my blood stopped pumping. - Military Veteran

I had this constant guilt about the things I didn’t do or couldn’t do to prevent so much death. I had so much shame and guilt. It started to drive my life. - Military Veteran

Our first response in traumatic circumstances is often to blame ourselves. You may struggle with self-blame, questioning your role in what happened, and develop negative opinions of yourself. You may have experienced guilt, shame, and self-blame during the events themselves or later, after you returned from deployment, or as a Veteran.