When death is from suicide
I didn’t know how to tell them their mom died from suicide, but I didn’t want them to find out from someone else. I knew that if I wanted them to talk to me, I needed to talk to them. - Family Member
The truth about a death from suicide is sometimes kept secret. Once again, parents do this with the best of intentions - a desire to protect their children. As with other kinds of death, it’s important to talk honestly about suicide. You may be struggling to find the words to begin, and it is important to use age-appropriate language and create a safe space for conversation. This will be a conversation that may be re-visited many times.
What you can say
Step 1. Let them know the person has died.
"I have something really sad to tell you. Dad died today."
Step 2. Give simple details about how they died.
"Your sister died in the car."
Step 3. Say that the person caused themselves to die.
"I want to explain something to you about how your mom died. She did something to herself which caused her body to die."
Step 4. Reassure them the death isn’t their fault.
"When someone dies from suicide, people often wonder if there was something they could have done to stop this from happening. I want you to know that this was not your fault in any way, and there was nothing you could have done to stop it."
It is never too late to talk about this. You can adapt the above to your situation. You may have children, even adult children, you may have never spoken to about this. You might start by saying:
“Remember I told you that Dad died in a car accident? I was so upset at the time, and I didn’t know how to tell you, but I think I can talk about it now and I would like to tell you more about what happened if you would like to have that conversation.”
More resources
For more information on helping children and youth when someone died from suicide, see KidsGrief.ca - When death is from suicide.
For more information and ideas on helping service children and youth who are grieving, see KidsGrief.ca - Supporting a grieving child.