Grieving the mental and physical toll of service

My change started on my first week of service. First fatals, policing in a rural area you are on your own. Back up can be hours away. I crushed it down for 40+ years until I retired. - RCMP Veteran

In Afghanistan I lived through extraordinary and horrible things - I went to. - Military Veteran

The nature of policing and military careers often means proximity to multiple traumatic events and literally puts many directly in “the line of fire”. This may have affected your mental and physical health.

For some, recognizing the impacts of service leads to the decision to retire.

I think just the accumulation of having to recall all of the trauma… the internal trauma from working in the RCMP with the stress of the pandemic my PTSD symptoms became quite severe again and I recognized that I needed to discharge from the RCMP. - RCMP Veteran

Or you may only have become fully aware of the toll that the service has had on your mental and physical well-being since being discharged or retiring. It is common that as the stresses of your career abate and you feel like you are in a safer place, the moral injuries or other losses you experienced during service will resurface months or years later.

I had a mask on and inside I was screaming, just screaming. - RCMP Veteran

Grieving the physical and emotional impacts of service may leave you feeling frustrated, ashamed and inadequate. You may feel anger and resentment towards the institution you were so proud to serve under. You may find yourself questioning or even regretting your choice of career. Grief and trauma both come with tripwires that can send you tumbling back to a difficult place. Acknowledging to yourself that you are grieving and that this is to be expected can be an important first step.

See Strategies: What may help and Your grief roadmap which focuses on helping you navigate grief.