When grief resurfaces

I don’t think you really understand it until you’re transitioning - that loss…and I did have a crash. It happened several years after I actually retired. Counselling helped me understand what was at the root of what I was feeling and how to understand and manage my reactions. - RCMP Veteran

For many Veterans, it’s after you leave service that you begin to feel grief’s impact. Grief reactions that emerge years later can catch you by surprise. They can be shocking and hard to understand because of the number of events you’ve pushed away that re-emerge and the time that has elapsed. In Losses during service we discussed how the grief that accompanies moral injury is often repressed until after active service has concluded. This can be because:

• You needed all your physical, mental, and emotional energy to get through a posting, operation, deployment, or your career.
• There was a culture of repressing displays of emotion that prevented you from expressing and processing your grief.
• There was a lack of formal and informal support.

While grief can be delayed, time does not make it disappear. It is usually when you feel safe, with less pressure and stress, when you are getting sufficient sleep, and re-engaging with life outside service that grief surfaces. It can be hard to accept it and name it when it shows up.

Avoiding, delaying or “pushing down” grief can prolong grief and make it more challenging.

See Your grief roadmap for ways of approaching your grief.