Reality of danger
Being so young, we didn’t really totally understand what was going on with Afghanistan, but we knew that there were soldiers who were being killed there and, obviously, just concern over that for our dad. So yeah, it was… it was tough. - Family Member
The threat of injury and even death is a reality of being in the RCMP or the Canadian Armed Forces. Children have a strong ability to pick up on the worry, stress, and fear connected to their parents’ safety in the service. They will experience more distress when what they feel, see, and hear, and what they’re being told, are not the same.
Strategies: What may help
Helping them to understand that their feelings are normal and natural given the situation can have a calming effect and help them feel less confused by the intensity of their own thoughts and feelings. Honesty and sharing how you cope with your own anxiety, depending on your child’s age and personality, can also be reassuring. Saying “I am afraid sometimes too – maybe you can let me know when you feel scared, and we can talk about it together.”
Starting a conversation
- Offer children the chance to talk about their feelings but don’t force it. Pushing a conversation they don't want to have can have the opposite effect, leading them to shut down.
- Create opportunities where conversation happens naturally such as:
- Playing board games.
- Spending time in nature.
- Baking or cooking together.
- Going for a hike, walk or drive.
- When there's a death in a book or movie, or a dead fly on the windowsill, you may want to use this as an opportunity to talk about death, dying, and grief.
Avoid telling them there is nothing to worry about. It is important to validate their fears which are normal and expected. It can be helpful to ask what they are specifically worried about so that you can correct any misunderstandings. Children often worry who will look after them if something happens to one or both parents. Letting them know what plans are in place can help them feel secure.
You might say something like:
“It is normal to worry about this, and I do sometimes too, but I promise I will let you know if anything happens. In the meantime, let’s focus on today and the things we have control of.”
You can then give examples or help them tell you what they and you have control of in their lives, such as what we will do today, what we will eat today, who they will play with today, what toys they want to play with etc.