Raising concerns
As friends and family, you know your Veteran best.
There I am… not being able to keep it together for the whole day. It was tiring, it was exhausting. I’m usually a pretty good judge of character and I was judging my own character as shitty. I thought that everything I was doing was for the betterment of my family. Then when I realized that my anger, my distancing and just completely checking out once I got home, and forgetting the basics around the house - it wasn’t for them. It absolutely wasn’t for them. - RCMP Veteran
You might be finding that the Veteran is not recognizing that they are grieving and that they are not OK. Many people only realize they are struggling when someone who knows them well points it out.
You may have hesitated to say anything because of the Veteran’s potential reaction. You may be protecting yourself or trying to maintain some control over the situation.
Deciding whether to raise concerns
These questions may help you decide if speaking up is a good idea.
- Is speaking up safe?
- What would be the best approach to take in raising this concern?
- What will the reaction be? Can I handle it?
- Would it help to ask someone we both trust to be part of the conversation?
As challenging as this may be, Veterans who are struggling may need to hear these concerns from someone they know cares about them.
You might try saying something like:
- "I am worried about you. You do not seem like yourself lately (provide specific examples)."
- "Talking about what is bothering us can be really hard. I am hoping you will try."
