Long absences
Nobody really acknowledges how hard time apart is on a relationship. We just thought, okay well, we’ll make the most of the time we do get together and we’ll make the most of this. Doesn’t work like that. - Military Veteran
God forbid you’re a single parent - or worse, a service couple with kids - because I’ve known times where both parents were getting deployed on short notice operations. So they’re paying for their in-laws or their parents to fly out and raise their kids. Or they’re hiring babysitters, or nannies for long periods of time. It’s just too much. - Military Veteran
Deployments, assignments, missions, investigations, training operations, and other separations are part of life for service men and women. Sadness, joy, resentment, pride, and resignation may be part of the experience as serving partners leave and return home after weeks and months away.
Stress on relationships
Prolonged or repeated separations are hard on a relationship.
When I was married, there was one year where my husband and I did back-to-back tours in Afghanistan. So I came home and, 8 days later, he left. In the span of the entire year, we only spent 42 days together. That was just the expectation. - Military Veteran
The distance effect
Here are some examples of how distance can take a toll on a relationship:
- Missing the immediate support of your partner,
- Managing the home front alone,
- The logistics of maintaining a long-distance relationship,
- The ever-present fear of danger on the job,
- Solo parenting or solo supporting of extended family,
- Missing intimacy,
- Simply being apart from one another.
What the Veteran may have experienced
Here are some examples of the experiences and feelings Veterans may have had related to absences from family:
- Worried about and missed their spouse, children, and other family,
- Missed major life events,
- Wondered how their absence was affecting their relationship with their child,
- Wondered if the relationship could withstand the separation.
What the spouse at home may have experienced
You may have:
- Worried about the safety of the person and how deployment may affect them,
- Worried about the impact of absence on children,
- Felt overwhelmed by solo parenting,
- Wondered if the relationship could withstand the separation,
- Felt resentful of the extra responsibilities you had to bear.
When my mom died, he wasn’t there. He was overseas when I really needed him. I know he wanted to be with me, I know he knew I needed him to be with me. But he wasn’t. I was alone. And that’s just the way it is with the military. - Family Member
You may have had other strong feelings about how long absences impacted your life. You may continue to have some of these feelings, including resentment for the extra load you carried and how that may have impacted your life.
