Postings and moving
I knew we were about to be moved again. Part of me was excited about going to another community. But part of me dreaded it. Another move. The kids upset about leaving their friends behind. My little guy was pretty quiet. He finds changing schools really, really hard. - Family Member
Moving is stressful for any family due to the planning, logistics, and the losses and grief that are part of leaving people, a job, community, favourite places, and supports behind. For service families, this loss can be more profound when you often have little say in when, how often, or where you will be living next.
Your living arrangements can add to the complexity of establishing new relationships and support systems.
We lived way up north, above the Arctic Circle. It was a small place, about 400 people. My wife was the detachment corporal there. I couldn’t make friends with the next door neighbour because she’d taken him in a couple of times for drinking and assaulting his spouse. - Family Member
We found housing off the base. I thought it would be freeing, that there’d be opportunities to meet other people. They were polite but kept me at arms-length - our life was so foreign to them it was difficult to relate. - Military Spouse
What the spouse and family may have experienced
For some, establishing a home in the new location is exciting. They relish the opportunity to meet new people. For others, this need to continually form new relationships and re-establish a sense of community can result in:
- Feelings of uncertainty.
- A sense of loss of control.
- Feelings of isolation.
- Difficulties in forming deep personal attachments.
- Feelings of resentment.
I thought I wouldn’t mind all the moves. Kinda fun, right? Going to new places, meeting new people. But we moved so often. I’d just get settled and feel like I was making friends. Then we were on the move and I’d have to start all over again. By the fourth move, I stopped trying. Why bother when I’d make a good friend then lose them. - Military Spouse
The grief of losses associated with leaving can be compounded by the challenges of re-establishing yourself and your family in a new place.